STATUS: Bitterness

OMG, most of my blog posts are so emotional :'( I've tried to avoid it but that's what my heart dictates me. My heart is so preoccupied of sad thoughts. I've tried to hold it back, but for once in my life, I'd like to express what's really inside me. This will be my last post regarding love matters. Then maybe, maybe . . . I can finally move on and hopefully be happy.

It's been almost four months since my fiance and I broke up. Everyday gets harder to forget the love, laughter and tears we've shared.

Why is it love makes you vulnerable? You open up your heart to someone, then by all means you allow that someone to mess up everything inside you. You build all the fences and made strong shield so that nothing can ever hurt you, then one day there goes one stupid person who enters your life. You give them all the pieces of yourself, they did not ask to. Done dumb things that are hard to forget like hugs, kisses or saying the phrase "I love you". Then in just one snap of your finger, your life and heart isn't yours anymore. It digs deeper inside you , but all of a sudden it leaves you crying or saying simple phrase like "maybe we should end it". Loneliness and emptiness arrived. It hurts so much. The pain remains the same even with the distance that separates you and the time that passes by. But despite the pain and trouble that this one stupid person have caused you, you still love that stupid person no matter what you've been through.

I'm praying to God that hopefully I will be given a sign not to give up even though we broke up. But again, million of teardrops falls. I just received a message from him, saying that "I guess the best thing to do is to move on. . It ends but it's a starting point of something".

It's sad but it is true. :(
That's my sad love story.

Just Friends . . .

I have a good friend, we get along so well, but I guess it's better we remain that way. I just want to say sorry to him for I cannot love him back the way he wanted to.

Thanks for the cake, flowers and fruits. Thanks for the time you and I spent together. But I'm afraid I have to end your courtship. Maybe we should remain friends instead. Everything you do always brings back the memories of my past. It is my heart that you wanted, but I can't give you what you want. My heart is still broken and memories can't be easily erased. My heart still belongs to the man who broke it.

If only I've met you earlier, if only my heart can love again and undo the pain I feel, maybe there's a chance that we can be more than friends. I know you can find someone who deserves your love, someone who can love you back and someone who will make your life happy.

For now, I bid my last goodbye. . . So long my dear friend, 'til we meet again. . I hope we both can be happy when that time comes.

20 plus 1 things I can't say upfront to certain people

      Hi! I hope your having a great day while reading my new post ",). Basically, I was inspired creating my new post based from the list of 20 things that my friends can't say upfront to certain people (Hi Aiza, Jeff :->!). It is fun and exciting reading their 20 things post, so I created mine too. Sometimes I'm frank, but sometimes I just keep it all inside me 'til one day all emotions just burst out of nowhere :). So here are my 20 + 1 things I can't say upfront to certain people.

1. I'm grateful and blessed I have you :) . . . You love me unconditionally, I don't know how to survive all of this without you . . . I love you so much :)

2. I'm super duper in love sa'yo dati (^_^) (hehehe) . . . Kaso I'm just your younger sister. Minsan sumasagi sa isip ko, " what if I told you how I feel?" baka sakaling hindi maging your my "the one that got away".

3. You just know when to call. If I have only one friend left I want it to be you.

4. Thanks a lot for making me happy ! :) Kung hindi dahil sa inyo matagal na akong umalis . . . I'm going to miss you guys.

5. I always feel so degraded and humiliated because of you. IKAW NA MATALINO! gggrrrrhhh... Ang babaw ng reason for you to act like that, it does not match your age. . . Akala ko ikaw makakaintindi, hindi pala.

6. You're not consistent. Kapag pagod ka na, sabihin mo habang maaga pa. Hindi naman kita pinipilit eh.

7. I hope you realize that we are always here for you, we love you so much . . . Don't mind other people's think about you. You don't deserve to be treated that way and I hate them for being so rude to you!

8. You are one of the main reasons why I decided to leave.

9. Huwag mo sanayin ang isang tao kung hindi mo pala kayang panindigan. Nararamdaman ko naman kung may nagbago o wala eh.

10. Mukha kang anghel, ang ganda ng pagkakakilala sa'yo. Pero kapag hinukay mo pa ng malalim nabubulok na pala sa loob.

11. Birds of the same feathers flocks together c",) . Magsama -sama kayo!. Bago manglait ng kapwa, pwede bang humarap muna sa salamin. Hahaha. . . 

12. The more I love you. . .  The more it hurts. . . 

13. Somebody made me realized that I've done wrong things to you. "I'm Sorry". . .

Masyado ka kasing straightforward hindi ako prepared and I  am too assumming. hahaha : D

14. You are my "crazy little thing called love". . . Sorry, pero kinikilig pa rin ako hanggang ngayon, hahaha, ganun talaga :)

15. I love you more than you'll ever know. Pero bakit kaya? bakit kaya ganun? Wala ka man lang ginagawa, hanggang text lang . . . AM I NOT THAT WORTH IT, para sumugal ka?

16. Nagmamadali? May timeline? Pressured ako . . . Hahaha. Ayaw ko pa kasing mag-commit, 'di pa ako tapos mag-debug, R&R and YA eh :).

17. I don't know if I've ever been good enough para hindi mo magawang maipaglaban ang sinasabi mong pagmamahal mo. Ano, ganun - ganun na lang!?

18. Pahiram ng line ni Toni Gonzaga sa My Amnesia Girl :). . .

" Eh, tarantado pala siya eh! Bakit niya ako niyayang magpakasal!?"

19. Taray ng lolo mo 'teh! . . . Laki ng problema mo! Umayos ka nga, panira ka eh! gggrrrhhh...

20. Pahiram ulit ng line. Ngayon naman is from Angel Locsin in the movie Unofficially yours.

" Pero siguro kahit gaano kalaki 'yong pagmamahal na ibinigay mo, hindi mapipigilan 'yon ng isang tao para saktan ka :'( "

21. Ok na muna ang ganito. Hindi ko pa kaya eh. Kung ayaw mo, hindi naman kita mapipigilan.